Faithful or Faulty

Back and forth back and forth I drive, down, down, down, goes the needle on my dashboard telling me I need to scrounge up some more cash to fill my tank soon. Geesh..it never ends.

Life is like a vapor, poof! and its gone! I find myself reflecting on this more and more often lately. What am I doing with my time and is it even productive? What will I be able to say when I stand before my Heavenly father on that glorious day? Will I hear "Well done thy good and faithful servant"?

Everyday I take things into my own hands thinking that I can actually solve them. I mean really?

Will I get into PT school? We will see..only God knows. But something reminded me that I am not in control..Something that told me I need to get over my fear.

You know that feeling when you walk into a completely dark room and you can't even begin to see your hand in front of you, all you can do is scurry around and frantically look for the light switch that wasn't in the same place it was last time...as your heart drops a little and the fear of someone standing right there when you turn on the light crosses your mind. You start to inch around a little but you have no idea what is in front of you or beside you and you can only hope that you find that stinking light switch. You are temporarily blinded.

Well, thats me, that little flutter and slightly rapid heart beat is the feeling I have right now about my life. I am waiting to find that light switch so I can see what I am supposed to do. But I am quickly reminded that I am not my own, and I am called to be entirely His.

Let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing —James 1:4

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

¹⁹Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;²⁰you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

Being entirely His....

make me your hands and feet.

In Charlotte NC with Michael!!! it is soooo amazing to be able to see him...finally! I REALLLLY missed him.

I was able to go with him to some inner city ministry work that the guys do here. It was SO amazing. It made me think of India and all of those precious little ones I held there. I played with these precious little girls and all their little dolls and read them books about a little girl named "Strawberry Shortcake".

Wow...meeting people that are going through the same thing you are and realizing the same things you are realizing! These little children are so sweet. They were from all over the place. I tried to learn some Swahili from the two beautiful girls from the Congo. They informed me how they also spoke French as well. So intelligent. So Bright. Such a future that they still have a chance to have. Pure hearts who just want love. That is what they are giving them here. Every week- 2-3x's they play soccer with all the boys and the girls play sometimes too. After a fun filled time of games and joking around and passing the soccer ball to Messi and Ronaldo (they have nicknamed themselves after famous soccer players) they bring the kids in for a times to pray and share a Bible story with them. They explain how amazing God is and all about being a Christian. It blessed me.

thank you Lord for continuing to open my eyes to your work that needs to be done all around me. continue to teach me. I want to be your hands and your feet.

It amazes me how I continue to learn.

inspiration...

So I keep getting these weird urges to do these exciting things in life. It's like this burst of excitement that runs through my mind and then down to the tip of my toes and makes me want to jump up and run around until whatever I am dreaming of is accomplished. Sometimes...well, ok, most of the time pure logic gets in the way of me doing it, but why? i mean why do things allllwaaaayyyysss have to be sooooo "technical"? Life is only here for a little bit right? it is here one day and gone the next right? so why don't we all spend each day like it is our last, literally? like every time we want to do something exciting and spontaneous, why don't we do it? Money is usually a good reason, but like...if it is something you really have a passion to do, then figure out a way to do it. A little hard work never hurt anyone. I am just sitting here thinking how beautiful India was and how amazing and rich the culture was there. The world is SUCH a beautiful place and I have SUCH a desire to see it, to experience it. America is great, but experiencing different things make you think about things you never have thought of before. It makes you step out of your so called "bubble" and walk through life a little differently. I know that I have this burning passion to serve the Lord, and I also have this burning passion to help others and to travel, so maybe God will tie all of those into his plan for my life...maybe not. Only He knows..

What keeps me from doing what I want to do? I mean really? What keeps you? I am challenged to seek HARDER for what God has for me and his plan for my life. His word and His will are sooo beautiful. Lord use me. Anywhere, everywhere...help me not to be blind to those in need around me. Send ME!

There are so many things around us that we have to experience. I don't want to live my life in my "bubble", I have been inspired by the Lord to do more...to experience life and to serve the Lord in ways unimaginable. it's so much fun to think of how God can use you, you just have to let Him.

By seeing others who are faithfully serving the Lord and sensing the joy they have received. I am inspired to do the same as well.

excited about life.

dum dum da dum...

It has HAPPENED! today is the day that my wedding dress was purchased! no way right? I know. It literally makes everything soooo real. It is absolutely perfect and i really just cannot believe it!! ahhhh

Anyways, these last two day have been filled with planning because things are about to get crazy around here. I am trying to get as much done as possible while i can.

Had a great day today. Got to spend some valuable time with some close family and friends. It is always so refreshing!

On another note...a bit more serious one at that, I have been burdened so much lately. Since India, i have realized so many things. One of the many is that there are so many people around me hurting, and need to be reached out to. They need to experience the joy that those little Indian children felt when we played with them and taught them songs and crafts. There are so many people HERE that need me. And like..what am I doing about it? I mean hello? What are we all sitting around doing? It is so easy to get caught up with our lives and what is best for us and what WE have to do, that when a great opportunity come by to serve others, we COMPLETELY miss it. O Father in heaven forgive me for How many times i have missed this! Help me to be more aware. My entire purpose and being is to serve you through serving others..so why do I have a hard time doing that? I mean think about all of those times where something has happened to someone where you could have just reached out but it wasn't "comfortable" for you, or you didn't have "time" to. i pray that we all take a step back and check ourselves to NOT miss these opportunities when they come passing along.

okay so here is a goal I am going to tryyyyy to make happen: step out of my comfort zone and help someone or do something for them that I would not normally do.

Try it?

Beautiful words that have been spoken:

"if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully." Romans 12:8

wow...couldn't of said it better myself.

a new beginning...

well it has been a long time coming now that I have wanted to do this. and well...i did it.

there is so much to say and never anywhere to say it. so guess what. this is the place. there is always so much going on. I want to share what God is doing with me and teaching me. my life may be boring, but this is me. pure. simple. me.

Since India... so much has went on inside me. and so much has changed in my life. this blog will be my time to talk about things that I have learned there and things that I saw, felt, and did. followed by things that I have learned here, and so on.

I miss it. but I don't know if it is my time to go back...anytime soon. which makes me sad.

India=the most amazing experience of my life and my heart will always have a place there. I feel so strongly that God is not done using me there. We will see.

wedding planning, future planning, and being unsure about what step to take next...is all a process of faith. I am learning this now more than ever.